Who is Tee? There are many parts of my identity that play a big role in who I am today so I felt it was important to start my Education Journey Map by mapping out… me? Born and raised in Providence, Rhode Island, the inner city urge to shout to the world that I was here always entered the room before I did. However, being raised by two immigrant parents sort of shut that down before I could enter any room alone. I felt really sheltered as a kid considering my parents were polar opposites. My father was the head of a notorious gang and my mother was a rebel, but in an ethical way. They both sort of came here with a dream and… well, they lived it. As the only male (of three), I always felt the pressure to make both of my parents proud. How do I man up and take charge of the household? But also, how do I tend to my studies and make my mom proud? The Southeast Asian heritage weighing in on my shoulders didn’t make it any easier. I was drowning in what should’ve been a celebration of intersectionality, which instead, became a stack of bricks I had to chisel into a statue I wasn’t sure I wanted mounted in my brain. What did I value?
PPSD or PTSD: School was the only place I didn’t feel pressure to be anything other than myself, or at least I thought. That thought sooner than later became just a dream when in grade school, I went by the name Cody. Because my name was “too long,” I had to adhere to folks using my middle name… or in this case, my American name. In middle school, I was sent home with “concerning letters” because I was “too quiet.” Guidance counselors made the assumption that something was going on because I wouldn’t engage with people like other students did; they thought I was being forced to be in a gang. And in high school, I got the best (or worst) of both worlds. I started my journey at an independent school in East Providence, where I quickly realized that it wasn’t where I was from that was failing me, it was the education system as a whole. Ending my journey back in Providence, I felt lost. What was my name? How did the people who were supposed to help me… fail me? Where do I go from here?
First Is The Worst: There was always a pressure to do well because I was the first of many things. As a first-generation Southeast Asian, the responsibilities you hold are a lot different from those born here, or those who just aren’t us. Not only am I first-gen, I was the first male in my entire family, first to graduate high school, first to attain a college degree, and first to leave the nest (a culturally significant thing for us). Growing up, I struggled a lot finding balance between what I was doing for me and what I was doing for my family. It really changed the way I perceived certain things, handled tough situations, and how I approached many challenges in my life, especially in my education.
The Apple & The Tree + Following: Despite the challenges I faced growing up within my household, my place in my community, my position with my father, and my identity… my mother always kept me grounded; I just didn’t know it. Though ignorant, my father fit the stereotype of a Southeast Asian man in New England: misogynistic, gang affiliated, cryptic, and dangerous. My mother on the other hand was the polar opposite. She was community oriented, for the people, ethical, and values-driven; she was everything I wanted to be. However, I didn’t understand her impact until after college. Instead of understanding why she was doing what she was doing, I spent so much time trying to understand why she wasn’t doing everything else (i.e. leaving my father, taking us out of dangerous situations, and etc.). There were developmental challenges, things stunted by our faith and our cultural background that I didn’t understand until I was older, that now explain her role as my caretaker. Subconsciously, I fell right into her footsteps and kept moving even further.
Tee Is For Today: Today, I’m doing everything my mother would have been proud to do alongside me. Breaking generational cycles of oppression, I’ve chosen to stand in my truth. Despite cultural traditions, I’ve chosen to find the right in their wrongs. My education journey map might sound confusing, because it is. I think my journey is a testament to everything, everywhere, all at once, happening to me as a child. This is sort of a story on how I turned such sour lemons into sweet lemonade.
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