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YDEV 501: Blog Post #7

I was evaluated for and diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) at the age of 8-years-old.

By definition, OCD is a mental health condition that causes people to experience recurring thoughts and behaviors they can't control. It can cause significant distress and oftentimes interferes with someone's daily life.

At the age of 8-years-old, I should have been worrying about when my mom was picking me up from soccer practice rather than why each blade of grass was cut differently and how I could make them all the same. I felt different; I was different.

I remember waking up every day and refolding the clothes my mom had set out for me before putting them on. I remember saying "goodnight" three times before bed each and every night. I remember turning my pages to write sideways to ensure I didn't smudge my fingers with led. These were all things that, if interrupted, would drive me crazy.

In 2011, during my SAT's, I had the biggest break down of my life. As I was completing my essay portion of the standardized test, our test proctor called me out for "cheating." She questions why my booklet was tilted 180 degrees and why I kept lifting my wrist. I became mute and just broke down, making me look completely guilty of cheating, as if it made sense in the first place. I was escorted out of the room in front of my peers, completely embarrassed, and interrogated as if I just tried to assassinate the president.

I needed care. My teachers were aware of my needs, but we weren't on our turf and I wasn't able to stand up for myself for some reason. In this moment, I felt like the "systems" put in place were totally against. Rather trying to figure out why I was doing what I was doing, they wanted to know why it was portraying the narrative our proctor accused me of.

As a student, I felt uncared for. I felt like the institution in which I was a part of was against me. I felt like no matter what I said, because my disability was not visible, I would not have been listened to.

'Til this day, I still think about this. I still think about having to take the exam alone in a room, all over again, to prove my innocence. I'm not sure this was a great example need care and not receiving it, but I did want to share that I scored the highest overall in our state, amongst all high schools and even received an iPod for it! Karma?

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